Helping Your Strong Willed Child Make Confident Decisions with Jen Vera (Episode #74)
Our guest today has wonderful advice on how to parent strong willed children. She teaches us how to turn decision making over to them to help guide and build them instead of squashing their spirits and causing them to rebel. She also gives us advice on how to adjust our role as mothers as our children as move through different stages.
Returning guest: Jen Vera!
Jen was on our podcast back on episode #64 when she talked to us about her life as a mother living in Saudi Arabia. She is full of wisdom and incredible life experience.
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Advice from Jen Vera:
A lot of times as moms, we have a hard time adjusting our roles. Our roles have to continually evolve as our children evolve, or our children will start distancing themselves from us.
Judgement is the fastest way to shut down communication. Instead of inserting ourselves, ask, “What did you think about that? How does that make you feel?” Help the child come to their own realization about how the situation was working out for them.
As the child begins to make those associations, they begin questioning their own decisions instead of doing things out of rebellion. Help them learn for themselves.
Have children try things under our wings. If you are ruling with an iron fist, the child gets sneaky or goes a bit crazy when they are on their own. Let them make small decisions and make mistakes when they are under our care.
It’s hard as a mom! You’re not going to parent your child the same when they are 12 or 17 as you did when they were 5. As they get older, you need to back off little by little.
Let them make decisions as early as possible. And get your ego out of it. They may be wearing ridiculous outfits, but it’s a safe choice the child can make. Are you dressing your child in a particular outfit because it reflects on you, or is it for the child?
Honor your child’s choices. Trying to control their choices doesn’t work for mom or the child. Don’t try to break their strong wills- it gives them a more confident sense of self when they are older.
Teenage and older, you become an adviser, not a controller. You don’t know what their mission is in life. If something is calling to them, try not to squelch that completely. Give them some space to listen to their heart.
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