Teen dating and formal dances can bring up all the feelings- for our kids and for us. As a mom of seven kids ages 9-24, I’ve learned the hard way that formal dances can quickly turn into a communication minefield. We want to help, make sure no one is forgotten, and prevent last minute chaos. On the other hand, our teens are just trying not to feel nagged or micromanaged. Over the years, formal dances became a parenting tension point, and we needed to find a better way.

In this post, I’m sharing the simple system that completely changed how we communicate around dances: The Formal Dance Checklist. From creative dance asks and dinner plans to flowers, photos, and afterparties, this checklist helps teens stay in charge while keeping parents in the loop- without constant questions or frustration on either side.

I’ll also walk you through real-life tips for supporting your teen without taking over, saving money on flowers and mums, hosting dinners, and navigating after party expectations. My goal is to help you reduce stress, avoid miscommunication, and stay connected with your teen. Let’s let formal dances be memorable for the right reasons.

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Some of my kids all dressed up for dances!!

Take a breath when You’re over thinking.

Teen dating can be stressful for a parent. Am I too involved? Are they old enough? Should they be dating more? What should I be encouraging? Or maybe I shouldn’t say anything at all!!

My kids have loved going to dances with groups of their friends, but there was always the awkwardness of planning it. Many times as the mom, I have had to get involved just before the dance with different needs and it can be really stressful for all.

The frustration comes when I want to make sure they have all their bases covered (so their date doesn’t suffer!), but they are tired of me nagging.

We finally came up with a solution:

The Formal Dance Check List.

I made this printable worksheet for my kids for when they’re discussing plans with their friends or dates. There is so much less of me begging for details about what is happening with each step along the way. They don’t even have to talk to me hardly at all about what is happening, if they don’t want to. As long as they share their plans with me on the checklist - I’m good!!

The worksheet helps ME remember what we need to do. Helps me know what I am in charge of- dinner at our house?? Coordinating with other moms? Do we need to buy a corsage or make a mum? What color is the dress so we can get a matching tie? And maybe they have handled everything and I don’t even need to help- fantastic!! (Wouldn’t that be amazing?!)

So let’s get into the nitty gritty details. As a mom of 7 kids, 5 who have attended formal dances, we have a lot of formal dances under our belts. I want to share things with you that I wished I had known when we entered this phase of parenting.

Grab this printable in our Freebie library!

The ask.

The biggest part of the dance is getting a date, right? Doing a creative ask to a dance is very popular in our area, and there is often a lot of pressure to do something fabulous.

Some of my kids have loved help with simple things like grabbing them a poster board at the store, others wanted me to help with the lettering on the poster, and others wanted to brain storm ideas together (we had a hilarious night of all hopping on ChatGPT and sharing the cheesy ideas it was giving us). And sometimes, they want to do it all on their own. All of those things are ok! The most important thing is finding out your part in it and how you can best support your awesome kid- not doing all these things for them.

Pictures.

In our area, traditionally parents are invited to pictures to help capture the moment of their kids with their dates before they head out for their night of fun. Is this also a tradition with your kid’s friends and their group?

Sometimes it is a fun, quiet way to help out- just stand there and snap away on your camera. They may also want your help with ideas of where to take pictures, if no one in their group has ideas. But if the group has it handled, let them handle it. We have always done pictures outside where there is an option for shade if it’s a bright day and they come out great.

Dinner.

This is usually where things get tricky for us. Are we involved with this? Are we hosting it, preparing food, bringing a dish to share at someone else’s house? Are we paying for dinner, is your kid, or their date? We have done it all the ways, and all are great! The key is making the plans ahead, both if your kid needs to make a reservation at a restaurant, and if you are hosting and need to do some preparations.

If you do happen to be hosting (and are a little stressed by the menu), we have some dishes that are great crowd pleasers, easy to make ahead and are a little fancier than your everyday fare:

Charcuterie Board with Bruschetta

Bacon Wrapped Chicken with Rosemary

Grab this recipe in our cookbook!! Look inside here! You can find it in paperback and digital formats on Amazon.

Vanilla Bundt Cake with Chocolate Frosting and Dipped Strawberries - AMAZING!!

Flowers & Mums.

Homecoming (HOCO), Prom, Winter Formal, Sweethearts, JA, Sadies- whatever the dance, there is usually some sort of exchange. Let’s start with mums and/or flowers. What is a mum, you may say? These are a super big part of HOCO in Texas and the South. These threw me for a loop when we moved to Texas from California. Let me show you what they are and how to make them:

Mums- Make your own to save $$

Most dances my kids have attended involve some sort of flower exchange: bouquets, corsages and boutonnieres. Finding out what the group is doing is important so your child and their dates aren’t the odd ones out. We found this out the hard way, and we’ve seen it through the years with our kid’s friends and their dates. No girl wants to be the only one with the corsage when everyone else in the group pic has a bouquet or vice versa.

Making your own bouquets can be a really fun group activity, and is often much more affordable than purchasing premade ones. Here is a simple tutorial for bouquets:

DIY Flower Bouquets

After party.

This is not usually where I shine, since through the years we have had younger kids in our home in bed when the teens are out, and I would much rather be involved in the events earlier in the date.

But here are a few tips for after parties:

find out ahead of time when your child’s date needs to be home
make sure the afterparty is something you as a parent are comfortable with
does your child and their date need to bring clothes to change into?
are you hosting this?

If you are hosting this afterparty, and your kids feel like your house is no fun (my kids tell me this all the time!), maybe you can make it a little more fun by providing some group games. I like to play this by ear to see the vibe of the group. Often they would love to do one or two games when a prize is involved, or they may just want to hang out, watch a movie, eat, whatever. I think it’s really nice to have something up your sleeve just in case.

Fun Group Games.

These are games we play with our family and friends over the holidays, but they also work for any large gathering: Fun Large Group Christmas Games for Parties & Family Gatherings

If you are more into board or card games for a less active vibe, listen to these podcast for some really fun ideas!

Have fun and keep open communication.

I am NOT saying you NEED to be involved in every detail. I am actually saying, find out what details your child would LIKE you to be involved in. Let them know you’ve got their back, and that you just want them to have a fun night that isn’t filled with miscommunications and frustrations. Dances can already be charged with emotion just from the friend/date drama. Be the one to diffuse the drama, not add to it.

One final word of advice. Whoever did the asking, let them lead out on the date. If your kid did the asking, encourage them to do the planning. If your kid got asked, remind them to let their date do the planning and not takeover. Just something to talk about… It’s never very fun when you are excited to ask someone on a date and then they change the whole date to incorporate their friends and desires instead of the evening you invited them to join you on.

You’ve got this!

Grab the formal dance printable. It’s in our Freebie Library > Special Occasions > Formal Dance Planning Checklist.

It’s going to be an awesome night! And if the worst happens, listen to your teen and try your best next time.Have any formal dance questions for me? Come see me on Instagram- send me DM! Or shoot me an email! Let’s chat!!

love your fellow mama BFF,